First Christmas

Ben's first Christmas was great...I'm not sure he realized it but we all had so much to celebrate this year with a happy, healthy baby joining our family. He got lots of gifts from friends and family (although he needed some help to open them all) and he has new toys, books, and clothes to enjoy. Ben is nearly 14 lbs now and starting to make all kinds of sounds. He's also getting really good at standing in someone's lap, as long as he still has some help balancing. He's just beginning to reach out for toys or interesting objects, like he's figuring out what those hands are really supposed to do. We've started giving Ben rice and oat cereal, apple juice, and even his first taste of green beans. He didn't dislike them, but he sure wasn't begging for more, as you can probably tell from the picture! I think he needs a little more time to accept new things being spooned into his mouth.



Ben is such a joy in our lives and we are so thankful to be able to celebrate his first Christmas together as a family. We hope everyone else had a wonderful Christmas and we wish you all the best in 2007.

Growing Right Along

Ben is growing before our very eyes! He's more fun by the day and getting more talkative. Last weekend Matt and I both heard a very distinct "dada" and while we're sure it was an accident, we're still convinced we have a smart little kid on our hands.

Although Ben has a lot of fun toys to play with, his favorite things by far right now are his fingers! I can hear him slurping away on his little digits in the car nearly every day.

Back to Work

I started back at work this week so Ben is spending his days with Grammy and Grandpa Shepherd now. He's made the adjustment very well but he starts crying every day as soon as he hears my voice, I guess to let me know that he doesn't appreciate being deserted all day, even though he's probably getting MORE attention now than he did from just me! It's hard to pull such a cute little guy out of bed in the morning. Luckily, he usually stays asleep in his carseat for a while after I drop him off so he's not missing out on any good sleep.
Ben loves all the lights and ornaments on the Christmas tree, especially when the cat attacks something and the entire tree moves. I'm sure in the next few years the stuff under the tree will be much more interesting!

6 Months

Ben went in for his 6-month checkup last week and got a very good report. He's nearly 12 lbs now and eating some rice cereal in his bottle every evening. The doctor said we can start him on vegetables anytime but Ben hasn't taken to the spoon yet so we'll wait a little while longer on real food.
Celebrating the last warm day in November with a little Hawaiian shirt action!

Once he discovered his fingers there has been no getting them out of Ben's mouth! Sometimes he manages to get all 10 in there but the first few on his right hand seem to taste the best.

Gig 'em Aggies!

Ben got out his new Aggie overalls to watch his favorite team beat Texas after Thanksgiving! He's such a happy little guy and he has laughed once, so now we're waiting to hear that beautiful sound again. He's also started rolling front to back so one of these days we won't be able to set him on the floor and expect to find him in the same place when we come back!

All sacked out on the couch after a big meal! Because Ben has had an insatiable appetite lately we've been giving him a little bit of rice cereal in the evenings and so far he's done great with it. It's his first step towards solid food. It will be something of a guessing game to determine when he's ready to make these steps since he's already 6 months old but should only be about 2 1/2 months. On a lot of developmental milestones he's falling somewhere in the middle of the two ages.

Sleep

We are so proud of Ben - he's been sleeping (for the most part) from 10-5 every night! We put him to bed after his 9PM bottle and he usually sleeps until 4:30 or 5 when he eats again. I especially love it because I've gotten my first full night's sleep since May. He did have a pretty bad week because he picked up some sort of virus and was definitely not feeling well, but he seems to be better now. We feel pretty fortunate that he's nearly 6 months old and it was his first time to really be sick.

Ben has started having "conversations" with us where he'll make a sound, we'll answer, and he'll respond and so on. It's a lot of fun seeing these things develop! He's also started to cry with big tears now when he's really upset, something I'm not as excited to see because it just kills me! He's getting better at holding his head up each day and we just got him a Bumbo chair, which is this ingenious little seat that supports younger babies enough to sit up before they can do it on their own.

Man of the House

Ben is starting to decide that he wants things done HIS way. That wonderful feeding schedule we had? Gone. The little guy is eating a lot more often during the day, and since he is eating a lot more volume we decided to see if he would sleep longer through the night last night. He still woke up twice, only at different times than usual. It seems like we're going backwards as far as consistent feedings go, but hopefully it will only be temporary if this is a growth spurt or something.

Here are some of his latest pictures. He's becoming much more interested in toys and you can see that he's strong enough to lift that big head up every once in a while!

10-pounder!

Ben is already 10 lbs! He has had an insatiable appetite the past few days so I bet he's already gained weight since we checked on Friday. He still eats every four hours but has been asking (well, crying) for extra bottles in between his regular feedings. Ben has a distinct "hungry" cry but really doesn't cry a lot other than that, which we really appreciate! He is becoming so alert to noises and actions around him and he'll turn his head or body to follow whatever catches his attention. We've seen a lot of rolling side to back or vice versa but so far no rolling onto his tummy. That tiny smile sure brightens our days and we love seeing more and more of it!

Fresh Start

It's nice to have a fresh start like a "normal" baby...we hope to not have to discuss any hospital visits or have any more nail biting on this page. As of last Friday, Ben was 9lbs 12oz and doing great. He smiles more each day and is starting to talk baby babble to us. Sometimes he even shakes like he's laughing although no sound comes out just yet. He likes to be held in a sitting position and is getting strong at holding that big head up and he's starting to put weight on his feet when he's held in a standing position. He'll be running around the house before we know it!

a very BIG yawn!

hanging out during bathtime

celebrating Daddy's 30th birthday

Ben dressed up as a pumpkin last night for Halloween and greeted a few trick or treaters at the door and then did a little trick or treating of his own next door. That's was enough for his first time. Maybe next year he can enjoy some of the treats and not have to give them to Mom and Dad!

Welcome to our blog

Here's a little background for our family. We found out we were pregnant on December 30th, 2005 and we were thrilled to be expecting a little one around September 4th, 2006. He, however, had very different plans and shocked us by arriving 3 1/2 months early on May 22, 2006. Little Benjamin Robert Kirkham weighed 1lb 10oz and was about 12 inches long, just an estimation since no one actually measured him in all the chaos. He came out pink and crying, but was quickly intubated, stabilized, and rushed to Texas Children's Hospital where he spent the next 2 1/2 months growing ounce by ounce. He faced enormous risks such as brain hemmorhages, blindness, bowel infections, just to name a few, but by the grace of God never got so much as a rash. Ben spent his last month in the hospital at St. Luke's where he had to learn to feed by a bottle and still breathe...a huge feat for a tiny preemie and one that took him several weeks to accomplish. Finally, one week after his due date, we brought our precious baby home and began life as a real family!

Together

What an amazing day - after 3 weeks in the NICU we finally got to hold our baby!  Well, I did while Daddy watched, talked to him, and took some pictures.  We were both hesitant to try unless everyone assured us it would be good for Ben, because he just doesn't handle any disturbance very well, but he did beautifully.  He slept on my chest skin-to-skin for over 2 hours today and had fewer alarms going off than he usually does in his incubator and his temperature stayed steady.  It was as if Ben remembered how comforting it was to be with mom and he relaxed and seemed to enjoy it, which raised my spirits tremendously.  It was the first time we got to be together as a little family without any barriers between us and it was good for all of us.

 

At the same time, we witnessed a priest praying over another baby just a few beds down that was having serious problems.  We had talked to her parents several times and it was really heartbreaking to see their 3-day old baby (whose start in life was very similar to Ben's) taking a turn for the worse.  We are parying that we find her doing much better when we go back tomorrow.  It reminded us of how fragile all of these babies are and how grateful we should be for every good day they have.

Overall, Ben had a very good third week with the exception of his lungs.  They are just very immature and struggling to keep up with his needs but we hope that given time they'll catch up and be fully functional.  As long as Ben remains stable and keeps gaining weight (he's already up to 2 lbs, 2 ounces) his lungs should have a chance to improve.  Maybe hanging out with his mom and dad will help, too!

Thank you all for your encouraging messages and emails.  We didn't realize that so many people had been sending emails to Matt's account linked to this webpage, so please forgive us for taking so long to respond!  Matt hasn't checked it frequently in the past and we found quite a few messages yesterday that date back to Ben's birthday.  We'll be better about corresponding from now on :)

Perspective

Mama is doing well and looking terrific; we're going to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully she will be allowed to drive afterwards (watch out!!)

Ben now weighs 2 lbs 1 oz.  The doctors and nurses continue to focus on his severe lung condition.  He really likes laying on his stomach and becomes rebellious when in a different position. Yesterday he got a neighbor (21 week preemie) that weighs less than a pound.  His neighbor makes Ben look like a giant.

Looking Around

Another milestone today!  Matt and I had been in the NICU for a few hours when suddenly Ben turned towards Matt and OPENED HIS EYES!!  We'd watched him try so hard to open those tiny eyelids for a few days that we knew it could happen anytime and it was so exciting to be standing there with him when he finally did it.  I posted a few pictures but we'll try to get some better ones soon.  It's a small accomplishment in the grand scheme of things but we were so proud of our little guy.

 

He no longer has any IV's, just a ventilator and a feeding tube in his mouth, so we're hoping that one day soon we'll be able to start holding him.  Skin-to-skin contact (also called kangaroo care) is supposed to be very therapeutic for preemies and it just involves holding the baby directly against mom or dad's chest for an hour or two.  He'll get heat from our bodies and hopefully begin to recognize us by our voices, smells, and heartbeats.

Ben's lungs looked a tiny bit better today and his oxygen saturation was definitely better.  Ben looked so happy stretched out on his stomach and responded very well to our touch and his photo session.  It makes us feel good seeing our baby boy look so content.

Goodbye, PICC

Ben will reach his first big milestone tonight - he will be receiving full feeds of milk from now on so he no longer needs a central line (the PICC line) or the fortified saline.  Every doctor or nurse that walked by us today siad it was such a good step to be removing the PICC line, not only becase his risk of infection will decrease, but also because the more milk Ben's receiving the bigger and healthier he'll (hopefully) grow.  Over the new few weeks we just want him to remain stable and content while he puts on some weight and his body matures, especially his lungs.  In several weeks the doctor will revisit the idea of taking him off the ventilator as he appears ready.

Ben did have his first bath two nights ago - not a dunk, more of a sponge bath.  He still has a lot of dry skin from the phototherapy light and I would just love to introduce him to lotion and chap stick, but I don't think he's ready for those yet.  He still refuses to sleep on his side and will always roll as much as he can onto his back, although we found that he absolutely loves sleeping on his stomach and he looks precious in that position.

We know the Lord has been holding our little Ben in His hands for him to have done so well these past two weeks, but we ask that you continue to pray for him.  Mostly that he will remain stable and infection-free and that his little body will grow in health and strength.  It's so encouraging to know that "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective".  James 5:16

Good Day

Ben had another good day today...no major changes.  We did finally find out he's 13 inches now (there was no measurement at birth) and weighs 1 pound, 13 ounces.  He's gained over 3 ounces since birth which is great news.  The doctor went up on his feedings again today since he's still responding very well to the milk, meaning he's getting less saline with added nutrients (TPN)  by the day.  Everything he needs is in the milk and it should be much easier for him to digest since it also contains enzymes his gut is lacking right now.

We can't believe he's already two weeks old!  Please keep praying for our little guy because he still has many more weeks and several pounds to gain before we can bring him home.  We know God has been watching over Ben for him to have done so well already and we hope he continues to grow in health. 

Eating

Ben is eating like a champ!  A tiny little champ, that is.  They've doubled his feedings and he's finally starting to put on some weight a few grams at a time.  He's also getting more hydrated so he's looking more like a little baby and less like a wrinkled old man every day.

There haven't been any other major change the past few days, he's just been stable and looking better by the day.  He slpet on his somach for the first time last night and appeared to love it, then the nurse tried to put him on his side this mornign and he immediately wiggled onto his back again.

Matt and I have said over and over how fortunate we are to live so close to the Texas Medical Center, only we'd always hoped we'd never need it.  Now that we do, we can't say enough good things about Texas Children's and it's staff.  We've already met some great doctors, nurses, and nurse practitioners that have really helped us adjust and trust that our baby is in the best hands in the world.

Matt's wedding ring on Ben's tiny hand and arm

Stable

Ben's had a stable week so far and has looked more content and relaxed than ever before.  He's been fed milk regularly for two days and his digestive system appears to be fully functional now.  There has not been any change in his lung function, which isn't really good news but it's not bad news, either.  Staying on the ventilator is causing excess fluid in his lungs, which decreases his lung function, which in turn causes him to be more dependent on the ventilator.  It's going to be a tough cycle to break but there are no alternatives to the ventilator at his age so it's a problem most early preemies face.

Today Ben moved from an open bed into an enclosed bed to give him a little more peace and quiet.  He has a great location in the NICU, a corner away from outside noises and with very few people walking past, but apparently he still didn't like the action around him.  Hopefully he'll be happy in this new bed.

It is amazing to watch the changes that have taken place just in the past week.  Ben's already developing some dark hair on his head that was not there last week.  He's becoming a little more comfortable with our touch and today he held onto Matt's fingers for quite a while.  Any day now his eyes should open so we'll get a real look at his little face.  Although we'd prefer him to still be happily in the womb right now, it really is amazing to watch such a perfect little person grow.  God has truly given us a tiny miracle!

Good News!

Ben's head ultrasound today showed NO signs of bleeding on the brain.  It's doesn't mean that it couldn't still happen in the future if his blood pressure suddenly spiked, but it's great news to know there is no evidence of damage so far.

The doctor heard some sounds that his gastrointestinal tract may be functioning, so they tried two more feedings of tiny amounts of milk today.  Hopefully these will be digested and he can begin a regular feeding routine.  Other than that, Ben has been pretty stable the past few days which is excellent news.  He seems to be adjusting to his new surroundings and has been more relaxed when we visit him.  His doctor swears he knows his mom's voice already and responds when I start talking, so of course I hope that's true!

One funny note - the nurses change his position frequently to keep him comfortable and make sure he doesn't get a flat spot on his head.  Yesterday his nurse turned him on his side for the first time.  Apparently, he didn't like it very much because when she looked back at him he had turned himself back over and stretched out in his bed.  Looks like we have a little boy who knows what he wants in life! :)

Day 8

Matt here:  Short and brief based on yesterday.
Kidneys have shown some self-improvement processing protein.
Lung mechanics have declined which means Ben will remain on the ventilator for a while.  Possible causes - prematurity of lungs or minor lung damage from ventilator (both very common).
Catheters removed from the umbilical stump.
PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) line inserted to replace umbilical catheters.

Today is an important day for little Ben.  Doctors will perform an ultrasound on his brain to check for hemorrhages.  More to come tonight....

Day 6

Ben has almost made it through week #1!  He has really exceeded our expectations although he still has a long uphill road ahead.  Matt and I try to sit in on the doctors' rounds each morning to get an update on his condition and we usually hear a very thorough rundown (sometimes an hour!) of his health.  His heart is doing well and the murmur they detected has been corrected through medication so far and we hope it does not return.  His lungs have declined somewhat the past few days, either in response to forced ventilation or because of a possible infection.  It's too early to tell.  On Friday they tried giving Ben a very small amount of milk but he didn't digest it, meaning his intestines aren't functioning yet.  That's really his biggest problem - his body systems just aren't ready to handle the outside world yet.

The good news is that Ben seems to have adjusted to his new environment a little more, resting more quietly and not getting as agitated when there is motion around him.  He loves to sleep with arms and legs sprawled, his long fingers holding on to one of the tubes or wires in his bed.  He's also maintaining his body temperature a little more on his own so he no longer needs a heating blanket and relies solely on an overhead heater.  The doctors discontinued the phototherapy lights so we get to see our little boy in natural light now and enjoy his healthy pink skin.  I also got to change my first tiny diaper last night :)

Ben's long fingers are always active and I was thrilled to see him finally throw out a little thumbs-up sign today...it was too quick to get a picture but I think he know he's an Aggie!

Thank you for all of your warm wishes and kind words.  It's truly an encouragement for Matt and I to read them each day.  The days have been absolutely flying by - I'm still recovering from surgery and Matt is doing an amazing job of taking care of me and all the things that need to be done, and we're both waking up every 3 hours at night (even though our baby isn't at home he still needs some future meals frozen back ) - so it's very nice for us to be able to keep in touch with everyone this way.  Thank you for your prayers and please continue to remember little Ben.

Day 4

It's Day 4 and Ben is still doing as well as we could possibly hope.  His heartbeat is strong and consistent and his lungs are doing fairly well, although they are doing tests on both today so we're still waiting to hear the results.  Right now the noises of the NICU and physical touch seem to agitate him but we hope he'll soon adjust to his new environment.  His skin should be getting thicker over the next week or two and he will hopefully be able to maintain his own body temperature, then we will be able to hold him.  We're all looking forward to that day.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and generous offers to help, and most of all for your prayers.  We realize Ben is getting the best medical care in the world and we are so thankful, but we know our little baby is truly in God's hands.

Daily lung x-rays

Tanning under the bili light

My first visit with Ben

Ben's tiny hand in Daddy's